LeadingLane Podcast

So today we're gonna be talking about... Remember to start over?

Steven L Burch (01:49.489)
No, I think this is great link we can't even get their shit together right now. Who's going? Okay? Okay, go

Ashley Fredrick (01:54.574)
Who's going? I'm going. Okay, I'm gonna go. So today we're going to talk about the common comment of it must be nice and where that comes from potentially. I think how people can maybe, you know, if you say it, what it means, if it's said to you how it, how you might take it, numerous ways to take it, but I think just that a lot of us get that often, I think, and

you know, um, can take offense to it or can get upset about it. And I think, you know, just having the open conversation as why do people say that, how we take it, maybe better ways to handle it in the future.

Steven L Burch (02:37.233)
Yeah. So for me, I know that this is something that like going through, you know, success and going through all this stuff with business and people saying, no, it must be nice. It like gets under my skin. It like x me. That's my biggest red flag. Like, no. Um, I mean, we've had people send it, you know, directly in, in text messages to us, like basically face to face saying, oh yeah, it must be nice. And we had people, you know, trolling on the internet, you know,

Ashley Fredrick (02:54.382)
Thank you.

Steven L Burch (03:06.633)
talking and making, you know, spine comments like that as well. To me personally, when that, when I hear that and somebody tells me, it's like they're not giving me the validation. Maybe that's not the right word, but they don't know what really is happening. Correct, yeah. Like we work freaking hard. And you know, the things that we do, the vehicles that we drive, yes, we drive nice vehicles or.

Ashley Fredrick (03:23.588)
where credit is due.

Steven L Burch (03:34.505)
we go on vacations or whatever we're doing. It doesn't even matter what it is. I had somebody made a comment about my Christmas decorations and how many freaking Christmas trees I had. I mean, it doesn't matter. Everybody has an opinion. I don't know why we don't just go ahead and applaud. Good for you. I love that you have 12 Christmas trees in your house or I love that you... I think it was six this year. I cut it back a little bit. So, yeah.

Ashley Fredrick (03:57.75)
Did you really not float?

Okay, I mean, I have to park, so.

Steven L Burch (04:05.509)
But you know, like we worked freaking hard. They didn't know that, you know, we started the business with basically freaking nothing, barely able to pay bills and we only had, you know, the five grand in our pocket to be able to, to get where we are now. So we've worked extremely hard and we, you know, go and celebrate our successes. That's how I, I deserve to have a nice vehicle. I deserve to be able to treat myself, ourselves to go on vacation or whatever the case may be. But,

Um, yeah, give credit when credit is due and applaud and cheer each other on versus trying to make shitty comments to bring other people down. We work hard. So that's.

Ashley Fredrick (04:43.97)
Yeah, you know, I actually was having this conversation with someone the other day and, you know, they made a good point about how it can be really like two ways, right? So like one way somebody is meaning it to be sarcastic, you know, but also maybe somebody does just truly mean it as like, it must be nice. But I think that you can normally tell in people's donation of what they're saying. And I think it used to bother me quite a bit.

but right over time we grow over those obstacles and whatnot. And so like as a recent, my response normally is just, yep, it is. And, you know, Carrie, I think some people are actually caught off guard because I think that they were actually expecting some type of like argument, but something, you know, correct. Right. And I think it's just, you know, which we can we can we can talk about to a recent Facebook post from, you know, a week ago and

Steven L Burch (05:30.281)
a rebuttal or something.

Ashley Fredrick (05:41.554)
What I, it was kind of a dig at me, which is fine. It happens. Um, but what I want to like remind people is, uh, like we have to just give people grace cause one, like we don't know where they've been from. I think we've talked about it before, but people that we've met along the way, like, you know, like clients that I met in the last year, like they just know me now, they don't know Ashley from 20 or 15 years ago when we lived on ramen or, you know, I had a savage salvage car, you know, like

Nobody knows those things. I think that when you just assume that someone in their current matter is how it's always been, right? Like assuming makes an ass out of you and me, so people should stop assuming. And what I always tell people is like the way that I want to more see that is like if you see someone that has, you know, really nice things, it doesn't necessarily mean that they're happy or that they are financially stable. Let's be honest. We know many people that are financially strapped because of things that they've.

But if you think someone is financially stable and doing well, why not instead open the conversation of how'd you get here? What tips can you give me? My thing is I just wanna bring people along with us. So if we are doing well, let me show you the way. Let me show you that it's 80 hours a week. It doesn't happen 10 hours a week here and there. And I think that's the other misnomer is people just think it super easy money. You and I both know that is far from the case.

And many days I think to myself, why am I doing this? So I think that if it was just more if people were intrigued or tell me more or when they were to actually sit down and go through what an actual day or work week or years look like, we used to flip homes on a regular basis because we were trying to make up for debt, right? And don't do that as much, but at the time, that was the only way we could afford to do things or make things up. And people didn't understand that was every night and every weekend.

didn't post about that right everyone posts differently and we choose not to post all of those struggles.

Steven L Burch (07:43.861)
Yeah, and you know, I think that the other part of it too is in real estate, obviously in or sales or any type of business, it's not consistent. You know, we're not W2 employees, so we don't have a guarantee check coming in, you know, left and right. Um, so there's times that times are freaking great. And then there's times that are freaking horrible. And it's like, Oh man, here comes back the, the ramen era again. Um, but you know,

I would be more apt and probably, no, I would be 100% more apt to be able to say, let me help you, let me show you the way to be able to at least get where I am at, or I'll share everything, all the struggles, all the tips and tricks and everything that I have learned along the way so that you too can reap the benefits of being an entrepreneur. So...

Ashley Fredrick (08:36.69)
Yeah, I don't think it necessarily just has to be for real estate, right? I mean, like, you know, I know plenty of entrepreneurs and they've also put in, which I tell people, right, like it's it is blood, sweat and tears for numerous types of things. And I think that if people could just be a little bit more if they actually truly mean it, like I would take a man. I'm so proud of you. Like, look how far you've come over. It must be nice. Or like, gosh, you're killing it. Like anything you can help me. And again, like it's.

Steven L Burch (08:40.157)
Not gone.

Ashley Fredrick (09:04.822)
things outside of real estate too. There's just actual business practices, period, that you can do to try to help yourself get some ground made up.

Steven L Burch (09:13.617)
Right, absolutely. And you did make a valid point. And it's a lot of times maybe we're internalizing. I'm speaking for myself, not for you. Maybe maybe that, you know, I'm so sensitive, if you will, with that phrase that my guard goes up immediately. And like I kind of go into this attack mode to where maybe like I don't have to prove it anymore. Like I don't have to prove anything to anybody else.

Ashley Fredrick (09:21.058)
No, yeah.

Steven L Burch (09:39.057)
So I don't know why I do allow that one phrase to get under my skin and be an ick. And so maybe that's a challenge for myself that I need to really push myself to step back. And it's okay to say it is damn nice, but it's not a challenge anymore. It's not trying to prove, and it very well could be this person on the other side because we don't hear tone, we don't see expressions or anything else. Maybe on the other side, they truly are being.

Ashley Fredrick (09:42.606)
Thank you.

Steven L Burch (10:08.365)
genuine in saying, man, that must be nice. So, yeah.

Ashley Fredrick (10:12.218)
Sure. I think it's like when you're in person, right, when someone says it. For me, like nine times out of 10, I'm caught off guard. So I'm not prepared in my mental status to be like, but I think that, I think why it's probably such a like immediate want to do defense is because, right, only us ourselves have faced those.

downs, right, or the financial struggles or the tears. So I think what it does for me sometimes is it brings that back, right? Like those are some really shitty times and I wish, you know, like that people would understand like how bad of a spot, right? Like I've told stories about, you know, I was in a bad spot that I was going to quit real estate, you know, and making me think about that and then what would have happened if I would have quit real estate? I mean, you and I would have never met. We wouldn't be here today. You know, like, um, I think that it brings back that. I think that's why I

Steven L Burch (11:01.513)
Right, right.

Ashley Fredrick (11:05.482)
I'm so annoyed by that. But I do think it's good that, in the same sense, getting to a point where they don't know us, they don't understand, and if that's how they choose to see that, that's on them and moving on.

Steven L Burch (11:19.773)
Well, I think that, you know, at least I have this realization, both you and I are working with Maya. And so she's, what is her title? A naturalist?

Ashley Fredrick (11:31.024)
Yeah, wellness, yeah.

Steven L Burch (11:33.009)
Well, I mean, like so wellness and we're doing labs and from everything that we won't even go into, but we're doing all these crazy labs. And, you know, I went into this going, you know, working with Maya and saying, Oh, it's all going to be health, and only off of these labs. Well, one of the things that she had us do was a timeline of events that have happened in our life that stress has been peaked in, in like, I wrote, wrote mine out.

Ashley Fredrick (11:57.395)
Thank you.

Steven L Burch (12:02.573)
A, I was very resistant. I think it was two calls that she kept on like, hey, you need to do this, this is your homework, and I didn't do it. But then I was like, holy shit, writing down all of the different, the word that I never associated with was traumatic, but truly all these traumatic events that I didn't realize were traumatic. Looking back, it's been like a constant, and I've been in this constant.

Ashley Fredrick (12:09.018)
You know.

Steven L Burch (12:30.649)
uh, fight or flight mode and. Right. And not even knowing it. And so I think having that realization, doing that work with her. And then with this conversation with it must be nice with my defense going up automatically, like, of course it's because that's all I know. I've only been in fight or flight and I was ready to go ahead and let's, let's fight it out and let's go. Um, but yeah, that was a huge realization for me and you know, people don't understand each other's struggles. Uh, we, we judge.

Ashley Fredrick (12:32.747)
cycle for a long time.

Steven L Burch (13:00.393)
Judge it by its cover.

Ashley Fredrick (13:01.93)
Yeah, I think that same thing. I think I went back 20 years on the timeline, which puts me to like, actually no, I must have gone back. Oh, I'm fired. I was still in high school. Because I think back, like I always tell people I would never go back to high school unless I was the person that I am today. And I think about all the shitty things that happened in high school. But then I actually like, as I was like writing them down, like some of like how that...

affected things that happened in college and then like first jobs or whatnot and you know one you see a little bit of repetitive behavior which for me I realized like I have some toxic traits as far as like I cut people off like a Like no other like if somebody It's bad. I mean if somebody does like something out of them like, you know, or like breaks that trust like I'm a hot one and done Which was very apparent on that

Steven L Burch (13:48.341)
Same.

Ashley Fredrick (13:58.414)
Um, and I think just things that, um, you know, like weight struggles that I've had, and I wrote down, like, you know, I used to try, I used to make myself throw up in college, you know, and like, you think about like how 20 years later, like what that effects have done to your body. And like, now we're just really realizing that. And I think it really is like a moment to like, take time, like, right. Appreciate who that was, what that was. It's gotten you to today.

But by being aware and being more subconscious of that, like all the good things that can come.

Steven L Burch (14:29.493)
Absolutely, absolutely. It's absolutely crazy. One of my favorite stories that you shared with me is you had a client, you were showing them houses and I believe that they were driving an Escalade at the time. I don't remember what you were driving, but I'll let you tell the story. Like I love this story.

Ashley Fredrick (14:42.756)
Thank you.

Ashley Fredrick (14:48.794)
Yeah, so if we were to rewind it back a little bit, they've been past clients and they were just selling some land. Like super this guy, like he is a teddy bear. But at that time I was like, like grizzly and I was definitely afraid of him. Whatever we did a small transaction for a piece of land they had and he had always talked about that they used to get the same car.

because, right, you get a new car and the comment is, it must be nice. And right, so the people, which I've done myself, like we've actually like made changes or decided not to buy something because of the fact that I didn't want to hear, it must be nice. And like when I actually like sit down and think about that now, I'm like, what in the God's green earth? So anyway, they were in Cadillacs and then it came time to sell their personal home and I had a Yukon at the time.

and my Yukon, I like parked it next to the Cadillac and I legit have a picture of like their Cadillac in my Yukon and um he comes out and he's like what are we doing? And then I was like oh you know just checking out what it's like to you know have a Cadillac and you know he's like Ashley I don't get it what is your problem? I was like what are you talking about? He's like why don't you just buy one you work really hard I know you work hard you deserve it and then I said you know what people are gonna say and then he was like

You can't take it with you when you die, you know, might as well enjoy it while you can. So I sat on it for a while and, um, thought about it and kind of hemmed and hoed, but looked around, but that was when you couldn't buy a car like to save your life. Uh, so got put on this wait list. Um, and, uh, you know, unfortunately, um, they had something come up and, um, he had cancer. He passed away of cancer and that was a pretty tough time. And a couple of months ago, um, his wife came to.

to visit me just to stop by and she said, I heard you got a new Cadillac. And I was like, I did. And she's like, I have to see it. So I took her out to the car and I showed her. And, you know, the way that I viewed it was I literally spent probably a good majority of my time in my car. So if I'm going to be in my car a good portion of time, like, why not have something that is comfortable? I have clients in my car all the time. So we're throwing it around. And then I like was like, where do you park?

Ashley Fredrick (17:14.925)
And she kind of pointed over and it was she didn't have a Cadillac. And I was like. Where's the Cadillac? And then she's like, oh, you know, this color was different and he kind of liked it when we drove by. So we decided, you know, just to get the I think it was Yukon or something. And I actually like I hate it. I hate everything about it. She's like, I it's nothing like when I drove the Cadillac and I literally, you know, right, so this is like a full circle. I was like, well, why aren't you getting the Cadillac?

And then right in my head, I'm like, how is this happening that I'm having this same conversation? And then she said, well, you know what people are going to say? And I was like, and then I got in my defense mode of, and why in God's green earth do you care what anybody else thinks about what car you drive? And her thing was that somebody would relate it to her husband passing away. And I was like, girlfriend.

Steven L Burch (17:50.485)
that I hope to have with you.

Steven L Burch (18:06.714)
Mm-hmm.

Ashley Fredrick (18:12.474)
if anyone says that they belong in no part of your life, they are horrible people, and the only people really that matter are you and your closest family. Like if they're happy for you, and she's like, well, they did tell me I should just get it. And then I was like, well, then here we are. And I was like, if your husband knew we were having this conversation right now, what would he say? And she's like, oh, yeah. So she sat there for a little bit, and then she looked at it, and she's like.

Steven L Burch (18:17.333)
Absolutely.

Ashley Fredrick (18:40.522)
What color do you think I should get? So I have to follow up with her, but I think right, like it's for me, like it, I remember like, I think I had a call with you that day. So I was actually pretty emotional about it. One, you know, because we miss him a great deal, but secondly, like for me, that was like how far I've come to be able to been like, like never in a million years. I care what people think too much. And then to be able to like have that same conversation with someone, but.

You know, it is sad, like the more and more you talk to people, you know, people make comments about the Cadillac, which is fine, and I'm over it. But I typically tell that, like, I don't, you know, I don't care anymore. I'm like, people can say what they want. I'm happy. My family's happy. I work hard. But people are so apt to tell you the things that they aren't doing. So like I had someone that was like, yeah, you know, we just get the same boat because we don't want anybody to know we got a boat. And I, same thing. I was like, what? You know, and I-

Steven L Burch (19:25.813)
Absolutely.

Ashley Fredrick (19:35.222)
I just wish that there was a way for like everyone to just not like why are we carrying what other people do like care about like right you like water the where you water the grass is greener right so just take care of your own shit and if someone else has a great boat like great good for them when can i get a ride

Steven L Burch (19:45.533)
Yeah.

Steven L Burch (19:51.077)
Absolutely. Let me hit you ride. I think that such an amazing story, I mean, like full circle for sure. And I mean, you're empowering somebody else. And I think that just it can goes back to what we were kind of starting out with, like much rather help other people and lift them up versus, you know, have them try to degrade me. And here we are, you know, helping others. And you never know where they are in their life and their journey. So, yeah, and you kind of hit on it a little bit.

Ashley Fredrick (19:54.519)
Yeah.

Steven L Burch (20:19.833)
And I never realized it until I started doing my high performance coaching. Like fear of success and fear of money of I can't show people that I make money. So I was always told like, I can't drive a nice car because then somebody is not going to hire me because I make too much money. And so therefore they're going to go with somebody else that needs it or deserves it and because I'm intimidating. Like what in the world? Like that is the most.

ask backwards thinking that you can tell somebody that, you know, you have to make sure that you drive this style of vehicle to so that you can continue to get clients like no.

Ashley Fredrick (20:59.17)
To be honest though, I know we're all on Facebook, real estate mastermind Facebook groups or whatnot, and I can't tell you the amount of times that someone posts, you should never drive a nice car, your clients are gonna hate you. And I'm to the point where a lot of times I just don't partake anymore because the craziness is over the fact. But the way that I look at it is that if that is already how the transaction's gonna start. I don't.

I have a good feeling about how the rest of that transaction is going to go, but to me, I don't, I think it's affected my business. I think the way that, um, you know, I've had prior clients and they know what I drove before. And for me, they normally say like, oh my gosh, I love it. Like, where did you get it? I'm so happy for you. And that's what I feel. I mean, I think you look at it as a devil's advocate in that same sense. Like somebody might be like, you know what? They must have do pretty good in their job. I do think I want to hire them.

So I think that's all over Facebook groups. And I can't stand that. Just drive what's within your means, drive what makes you comfortable. And business should just come not because of what you're driving, but because of who you are as a human and what type of work you do for your clients.

Steven L Burch (22:07.921)
As long as I get there on time and make my appointment and we're good. That's all that should be mattered in first judgment there, right? Um, well on the topic of vehicles, I got an erect today. Yeah, I didn't tell you cause I wanted to see your reaction. Um, somebody, somebody hit me, um, going down the street and they were pulling, pulling out and then I was trying to get over to the next lane. Cause I saw them coming. Um, nope. And just kind of little, little bump, little to do.

Ashley Fredrick (22:15.591)
Right.

Ashley Fredrick (22:20.411)
What?

Ashley Fredrick (22:25.055)
Okay.

Ashley Fredrick (22:36.614)
I'm glad you're okay. You're gonna catch me off guard? Or you like knew it was coming?

Steven L Burch (22:38.225)
Yeah, me too. But no, it was just the body damage though. And that's the other thing. Well, like I like saw her coming and I was like, oh, move over. And I was not moving over quick enough. She she gave me a nice little love tap in her big o GMC in Duramax. So but hey, everybody was good. It was it was only body damage. And that's the at the end of the day, that's the thing. It's it's only a car. Like, I don't like.

Yes, it's irritating. Yes, I have to go, you know, get body and go to the body shop or whatever. Oh, could you imagine I could even I was calm, cool and collected during this whole process. This like today, I could not even imagine if I would have had a brand new vehicle that I was supposed to be having right now. So I would I would have lost myself. So but it was like in looking at her, like you could tell that she it was a total accident. So it's just a.

Ashley Fredrick (23:10.062)
which just makes me think of a different car, right? Obviously that process.

Ashley Fredrick (23:30.768)
All right.

Steven L Burch (23:34.533)
It's just a payment. I mean, like, yeah. And at the end of the day, that's all that mattered. So, shouldn't judge. We shouldn't have been living through materialistic stuff like that whatsoever and making sure that everybody is good at the end of the day, helping each other out, regardless if they hit you or not. Ha ha ha.

Ashley Fredrick (23:35.818)
and everyone was okay.

Ashley Fredrick (23:52.15)
Right? You don't know what kind of day they had. You don't know where they're coming from. Nothing.

Steven L Burch (23:55.921)
Right? Not at all. But yeah, it's been a fun day. So here we are. Yeah. Good. Well, thank you for sharing your story with the Cadillac. And I think that, A, you should definitely tell your client to listen to this so that she can see how her husband impacted your life and then being able to have that full turnaround to be there still as

Ashley Fredrick (24:00.458)
I'm glad we're good.

Ashley Fredrick (24:18.672)
No.

Steven L Burch (24:23.089)
as a friend and a client to be able to help her through that process too. So that's absolutely amazing. So cool. Well, here we are. We're right at 24 minutes. So we'll wrap up and thank you guys for listening. Hopefully you will tune into the next one. We're excited to drop it soon. So go ahead and subscribe, like, and give us a share. We have a goal that we're trying to hit here within the first quarter of 24. So.

Ashley Fredrick (24:29.266)
Sure. Thank you.

Ashley Fredrick (24:34.062)
Thank you.

Steven L Burch (24:50.985)
help us out a little bit and get some people to subscribe for us. So thanks for listening.

Steven L Burch (24:58.453)
Thanks for watching.